Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Week 6

The start of the week could have been better mainly due to a really fuzzy head from another cold. Again, the quality of meditation sessions varied a lot, with some where I was quite relaxed with deeper concentration, and others with weak and shallow focusing and general restlessness. There doesn’t seem to be a noticeable pattern to it and I can’t predict if I am going to have a good or bad session.

The awareness of my breathing seemed to widen and pull away from my nostrils in one session, and I became more aware of the whole breath with air going through my windpipe and into my lungs. The effect of this was that my breathing seemed to become more natural and relaxed, as I had let go of the slightly forced and unnatural breath in my nostrils.

However, a couple of sessions later, I had the strange sensation of feeling like a musical instrument.…

Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Week 5

It’s been generally an improvement over last week but sessions have ranged from good to poor, and even in the same session, results have varied wildly. Consistency is still some way off, I’m afraid.

Some good news is that my breathing has become more relaxed, particularly when I’m not counting breaths. In some sessions, it has been much softer and slower but the downside of that is that it also becomes harder to detect.

I’ve also had times when meditating where I’ve had no major distractions and have been able to follow the breath relatively easily. Even quieter thoughts that normally happen in parallel to the breathing have been largely absent at these times. These periods haven’t lasted for very long though, and I’ve still had a general fuzziness in my head.

In other sessions, my head has either been very busy or very sluggish (maybe tired), and these have not been conducive to a relaxed and focused mind.…

Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Month 1 Summary

I’ve survived the first month of meditation so I thought I’d go through progress so far.

Really, it feels like I’ve only just got going, as the first 3 weeks I was battling with head colds and aching limbs. I’ve only had one week without these major distractions, so it doesn’t feel like I’ve had the chance to get very far.

I suppose, though, it’s shown me that I can still meditate whilst ill, although it wasn’t particularly enjoyable. It didn’t seem very effective at the time but I still think it put down a foundation that has benefited me during the last week.

I’ve known from past attempts at meditating that it would take at least a couple of weeks for my body to adjust to being in the meditation position. Being older and less flexible now, it’s taken about 3 weeks this time.…

Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Week 4

It’s been a better week than the one before. The heavy cold has been easing off and I’ve not felt quite so bunged up. Consequently, the meditation sessions have been a bit easier.

My breath has seemed a lot closer at times and not nearly as distant, which seems like an improvement. Concentration has been fluctuating a fair bit and I can’t predict how it’s going to be before I start to meditate. Sometimes, I can count maybe 30 breaths (3 lots of 10) without getting caught up in thoughts. Minor thoughts still flit in and out but I am able to stay with the breath. Other times, my mind is a lot more active and I’ll only make it to 6 or 7 breaths before getting distracted.

Physically, I’ve been a lot more comfortable during meditation this week. The tendons in my legs must have finally stretched enough so that they are no longer painful in the meditation position, and my lower back seems to have stopped complaining too.…

Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Week 3

The fuzziness in my head I felt at the end of last week turned out to be a new cold coming in on top of the old cold. Great! I’ve been dosing up on decongestant before meditating to try to unblock my nose, which has made breathing easier but I’m not sure if the adrenaline in the nose spray has helped me relax!

I don’t know whether it was down to the cold, decongestant or just my normal state of mind, but last weekend when I was focusing on my breath, my mind seemed to be vibrating and juddering like a tractor engine. It now seems to be vibrating less violently – more like an old car engine, so possibly some progress there!

Counting breaths has helped me to focus again, although I prefer not to do it as it feels less natural and not as relaxing as just being aware of breathing.…

Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Week 2

I seem to have settled into a routine of two meditation sessions a day, of around 20-25 minutes each. I can’t do any longer at the moment as my legs and back start to get too painful. I think mentally, I’ve had enough by then too as it’s hard to bring the focus back after about 20 minutes.

Concentration was better during the first half of the week, so I stopped counting breaths and had some ‘good’ sessions mid-week. When I say ‘good’, I mean I felt more relaxed and focusing on my breath felt more natural.

Counting breaths is great for attracting the attention of your mind, but it can become a bit forced. I found that I was focusing on the counting and the breathing was falling in to line behind the counting. Breathing ends up following an unnatural rhythm and it’s harder to relax.…

Mindfulness of Breathing – Journey 1 Week 1

The thing that shocked me during the first meditation session, was how little concentration I actually had. I could feel the awareness of my breathing sliding away after just one in breath and out breath. After about three breaths, the thoughts would take over and I’d lose all awareness of breathing for quite a while. At the end, I estimated that I’d had a total of 1 minute out of 30 actually being aware of my breath.

My breath seemed a long way away, beyond a wall of thoughts and a fuzzy head from my cold. The sleepiness in the morning’s session from getting up earlier just increased the remoteness of my breathing. Trying to focus on something a long way away when there is so much going on much closer seemed impossible.

Meditation during the second day was barely any better, so the day after I decided to start counting on every out breath to see if it helped.…

Another New Years resolution, another attempt at getting somewhere with meditation. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve tried over the years.

Using mantras, mindfulness, contemplation, visualisation, chanting, nature, just sitting and probably some others I can’t bring to mind, I’ve had varying success.

I think my main problem is that I have a busy mind, and I get a lot of colds, neither of which make meditation easy. So 30 minutes of meditation once a day, for instance, doesn’t seem to make any inroads into my everyday state. After a few weeks or months, I inevitably get disheartened and jack it in for a while.

I’d at least like to get to a stage where my everyday mind is considerably calmer and clearer than it is at the moment. The only times I’ve had glimpses of that have been at the end of week-long retreats but then it’s back to everyday life, and the feeling is lost.…